what would jesus drive?

July 02, 2003



no really, this is serious. what would he drive? i think he would be pimpin an f’ing ferrari or something. maybe a mini, if he’s feeling frisky. i mean, if you’re jesus, would you really want to be caught dead (or perhaps resurrected) in an escort? but there’s no sense in having a debate about it here, let’s turn to the experts.

if you’re wondering where this all is coming from, look no further than tonight’s episode of tough crowd w/ colin quinn. colin’s got stephen colbert (you might remember him from such hilarious cc shows as the daily show) in addition to regulars jim norton (“i’d love some tv advertising that was actually targeted at me – that way i wouldn’t have to watch freakin tampon and yeast infection commercials all day!”) and greg giraldo (“it seems like only yesterday i was your age, pulling out and praying every month…”).

colbert was great as usual, countering colin’s stammering with such classics as “sure the ‘what would jesus drive’ commercial is representative of everyone’s religion – when they say ‘in god we trust’ what god do you think they mean? you don’t see people clamoring to put zoroaster on the dollar bill!” and “to help bridge the transition between college and the real world, let me suggest a discrete and passionate affair with a man in his late 30’s… let me stress the discrete part: this man has a family and he loves them very much. let me also stress the passionate part: the sex should be crazy. ya know, the stuff that can get you kicked out of thailand.”

that is crazy.