To the mother sitting next to me on my KC/Chicago flight

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First, let me say that your little daughter is the cutest, and that you’re doing a wonderful job raising her.

She’s so polite, so funny, and so good with flying! Of course, the last bit might be due to the fact that you’re a UA Flight Attendant. Still, that’s a pretty sweet list, especially before her 2nd birthday… :) In any case, I had an awesome time sitting next to you guys; cheers-ing our drinks, high-fiving, playing with our watches, and naming everything we saw on TV. Traveling alone with a little one can’t be easy, even for a pro, and you nailed it.

Regarding the incident, I just wanted to let you know that I truly, honestly, am not upset. Shit, or in this case puke, happens. Sometimes it happens on final approach to ORD, when there are no napkins, no water, and nowhere to hide. While I’m not sure if it actually transpired in slow motion (could have been the Lana Del Rey in my earbuds) the sheer volume of throw-up shooting out of your daughter’s mouth was, simply put, impressive.

At least she looked happy.

As you said, it was probably just that particular combination of potato chips, apple juice, light turbulence, and cabin stuffiness. Whatever caused it, you certainly took the full brunt. I fortunately escaped with a glancing blow, sacrificing just my left leg and my shoes. Of course, I was able to change into dry jeans and dry Vans once we got off the plane, and my pants will be as good as new after a trip to the cleaners. But you – you had to continue on to DC wearing the same clothes, since you’d already checked your bag through. Ugh.

I really hope that you were able to clean up before catching your connection.

Above all, I hope that the second leg of your journey was much less eventful than the first.